you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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