one might say we're banned from that church
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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