therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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