My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So many bounce houses so little time
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
