She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
