dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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