Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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