Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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