If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
