...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
