clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
