When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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