two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
