I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This house was built for laser tag.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
