my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
