i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
