just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
