I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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