Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
