No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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