Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
