Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
