It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
