Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
