i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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