There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
