Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Panties = found
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