can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize