So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
