i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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