i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Randomize
