I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize