this beer tastes like vomit already
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
