I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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