Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
