i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
