I feel like abortions should bother me more
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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