you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
