11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
