I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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