That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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