Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
