We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
