Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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