It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
