i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
