so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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