sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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