Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
