haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
