Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
