you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
