There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
