I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
