so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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