how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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