I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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