its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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