dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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