He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
