does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
