i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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