My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
