everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
