the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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