I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.