Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
