I bet he comes in French.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
