I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wear drunk well.
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