so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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