Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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