I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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