Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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