your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
